


My Dear, or Your Gravity

by littlewonder



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Alien Sex, Canon Era, Crying, Heartbreak, Kissing, Love Confessions, M/M, Mental Anguish, Mental Health Issues, Post-Book: Enigma Tales (Star Trek), Songfic, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-25
Updated: 2019-06-15
Packaged: 2020-03-17 01:16:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18954967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlewonder/pseuds/littlewonder
Summary: A series of rewritten Garashir one-shots originally posted to tumblr.





	1. Pynk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bashir has an epiphany about Garak, and it brings them closer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by an image from tumblr, I don't remember which.

Garak was talking about some classic Cardassian novel, but Bashir wasn’t listening. He had become quite absorbed in the stretch of pink along the inside of Garak’s lower lip.

Pink. He had never thought of it before, but now that he was staring at it, it occurred to Bashir that despite outward appearances, Garak’s body wasn’t all that different to his. Inside, he was still pink.

The next thing he saw was Garak’s tongue, moving about in his mouth as he talked. Also pink. Bashir wondered how that tongue would feel against his, if it would feel all that different, or… just like home.

Actually, it reminded him of an old early 21st Century song Jadzia had once recommended to him from the database. One he’d rather come to like…

_Pink, like the inside of your… baby_

_Pink, behind all of the doors… crazy_

_Pink, like the tongue that goes down… maybe_

_Pink, like the paradise found_

_Like the tongue that goes down_ , Bashir thought. I would like to taste that tongue…

Where was all this coming from? Why was he thinking about this right now?

And there was more to the song, wasn’t there? What was it?

_Pink, when you’re blushing inside… baby_

_Pink is the truth you can’t hide… maybe_

_Pink, like the folds of your brain… crazy_

_Pink, as we all go insane_

_The truth you can’t hide…_ thought Bashir. He smiled at that thought, the idea that there was something Garak couldn’t hide from him.

"Doctor?"

Bashir looked up into those blue eyes, to see them watching him in confusion; he had figured out that Bashir was no longer listening.

“Sorry, do go on,” said Bashir. “I’m listening."

“Evidently not,” said Garak.

“I’m sorry,” said Bashir. “I got distracted."

“By what?” said Garak. He was just teasing him now.  
For a moment, he thought about lying. But then, with a sigh, he said, “You, Garak."

“Me?” said Garak, sounding mildly surprised.

"Your…" Could he really say it? “Your tongue."

“My tongue? What about it?"

“It’s pink."

Garak gave him a look that seemed suggest Bashir was insane. “Very observant of you,” Garak said.

“Just like mine,” added Bashir.

"And?"

Bashir blushed. He almost didn’t say it. “And I wondered how it would feel on mine."

For a moment, Garak looked alarmed. But then, just as quickly, the look was replaced with one of calm. “Well, there’s only one way to find out,” said Garak.

Then he made his way around the table and kissed Bashir.

It felt like home.


	2. Departure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Post-Dominion War, Bashir and Garak part ways

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by [this post](https://cardassianassassin.tumblr.com/post/161828987676/im-sorry-garak-oh-its-quite-alright-doctor).

There was a despair in Garak’s eyes that broke Bashir's heart as he looked into them. He could barely imagine losing his planet the way Garak just had.

He saw something in those eyes, saw that Garak was hiding himself away from Bashir. He didn’t want that no matter what the reason was.

Given these circumstances, it was probably inappropriate what was running through Bashir’s mind. But if this was the last time he was going to see Garak, and even if it wasn’t, he couldn’t leave him like this.

He ran his hands up Garak’s neck ridges and cradled his jawline. Then he leaned forward and pressed his lips gently against Garak's. Tentatively, Garak kissed him back.

When Bashir pulled away, Garak’s eyes stared back, stunned.

“What was that for?"

“I wanted to,” said Bashir. “If this is the last time I ever see you, I wanted to do that, even once. I didn’t want to hide the truth from you, I wanted you to know how I felt. I don’t want you to hide anything from me, either, even if you’re afraid the truth will hurt me. I could feel you pulling away from me, and I don’t want that."

“So you figured you’d make the first move,” said Garak.

"Exactly,” said Bashir.

“Thank you, doctor. It is truly gratifying to know I have someone out there who cares for me. You’re quite right: I was trying to hide away from you. I don’t want you to see me like this. I don’t want this departure to be soured by bitterness."

“I don’t want it soured by regret,” said Bashir.

“Then let us part grateful that we had this moment together. I have to stay on Cardassia,” said Garak, “to help pick up the pieces of the war. My only regret is that we wasted so much time before we came together."

“No regrets, remember,” said Bashir.

“No regrets,” agreed Garak, and kissed Bashir.

“What was that for?” asked Bashir.

“I can never kiss you enough. But I would’ve regretted not kissing you one last time before we part."

“Then I’m glad you did it."

At that final word, they parted, memories fresh in their minds and full of the sorrow that they would not see each other for some time, if they ever saw each other at all.


	3. Musical Confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bashir goes looking for the isolinear rod hidden in Garak's quarters, and takes its contents for a confession. He offers a confession of his own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by [this post](https://gul-dukat-isapunk-bitch.tumblr.com/post/184239281717/trekking-through-life-id-like-to-think-garak).

Bashir was curious as to whether or not Garak was serious when he had joked about that isolinear rod in a hidden panel in his quarters. Oh, sure, he had clearly made it into a joke. But Bashir had learned to read between the lines with Garak. Often, little truths were hidden in the lies.

Garak wasn’t here right now. Surely, what he didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him.

So, he opened the door to Garak’s quarters and followed the instructions he’d left. Perhaps the contents of this isolinear rod contained some vital information.

He retrieved the rod and, eager to see if the request was genuine, entered the isolinear rod into the player to play the information contained on it.

Strains of music began to play, a percussive beat, with a chorus and something electronic. Then a man’s voice began to sing.

_We’re no strangers to love…_

Bashir sighed, slumping forward. Yet despite the fact there was clearly nothing vital on this data rod but an old Earth melody, Bashir still couldn’t help but smile, and listen, just out of curiosity.

What he heard sounded like a confession, handed down as though this was the only way it could be told. After all, they had known each other for too long to make a love confession without causing some upheaval in their relationship.

The song wasn’t Cardassian; it was human. That meant he needed Bashir to understand him. And these lyrics were so idealistic, that perhaps this song had been hand-picked by Garak to speak to the Federation optimism in Bashir, as well as to his romantic heart. But it wasn’t Garak.

_Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down_

_Never gonna run around and desert you_

_Never gonna make you cry, never gonna say goodbye_

_Never gonna tell a lie, and hurt you_

Now, that was a line that was especially hard to believe. Garak had lied to him plenty of times up until now, and if he truly expected Bashir was so naïve to believe that Garak would stop now, he had sorely underestimated him.

Perhaps he had missed the point.

_We’ve known each other for so long…_

_Your heart’s been aching, but you’re too shy to say it_

_Inside we both know what’s been going on_

_We know the game and we’re gonna play it_

This was the one kernel of truth he could find in the song. Perhaps this was the truth to his confession. Garak certainly “knew the game," and Bashir believed he did too. He had been courting both men and women since before he’d met Garak, after all. It was one game he was all too eager to play.

And if this was what Garak wanted…

He listened to the song several more times, connecting ever deeper to it on each re-listen as he parsed what Garak was trying to tell him. He listened until he knew every cue, every lyric, and he sat on the ground in its wake, softly sobbing.

Garak wasn’t as cynical as he liked to pretend to be. He had a heart, buried deep inside himself. Perhaps he meant every word of that song, in his own way. It broke his heart to think of how far from who he truly was Garak must have been driven to.

Like Bashir, Garak was an idealist, soft-hearted, in love… he’d just spent his entire life being taught that was wrong, that it made him weak, that he had to isolate himself. He had spent a life half-lived, broken-hearted, hating himself. He had spent a life longing to be free.

Well, it was going to end now. Bashir replaced the isolinear rod back inside its panel, and returned to his quarters. As soon as Garak returned, he would make his own confession.

***

Bashir greeted Garak at the docking ring with a smile.

“My dear doctor, how delightful that you are here to greet me."

Bashir presented him with an isolinear rod of his own, complete with garish bow tied to it.

“My dear, what is this?"

“On Earth, we call it a mixtape."

Garak took the rod, still looking confused. “What is the occasion?"

“I’ll tell you after you have listened to it. In full."

“A man of mystery," said Garak.

“I learned from the best."

Garak stepped down from the airlock. “You flatter me, doctor." He put the rod into his bag and walked alongside the doctor towards the nearest passage to the habitat ring.

“I hope so."

"Perhaps you’d be good enough to join me in my quarters,” said Garak. “I would rather learn the meaning of this sooner rather than later. And in private, if that is the nature of your intentions."

“I think you know it is,” said Bashir. “And I’m amazed at you, Garak, after so many years maintaining the mystery with me, that you should be so impatient to hear my secrets. Then again, I shouldn’t be surprised. After all, you did sneak into my holoprogram when I began to neglect you for it. I should’ve known you were the jealous type."

“I resent that accusation, doctor."

“I shouldn’t worry too much about it. You’ll know the truth soon enough, anyway."

Soon, they arrived at Garak’s quarters. Garak opened the door and let him inside.

Immediately going to play the information on the isolinear rod, a steady, sensual beat began to fill the room.

“What is this?"

“It’s music,” smiled Julian.

“I know that…” said Garak. “But why…”

A woman’s voice began to sing.

_Baby, don’t make me spell it out for ya_

_All of the feelings that I got for ya_

_Can’t be explained, but I can try for ya_

_Yeah, baby, don’t make me spell it out for ya_

_You keep on asking me the same questions_

_And second guessing all my intentions_

_Should know by the way I use my compression_

_That you got the answers to my confessions_

Garak had gone completely still. Bashir approached him, slowly. He couldn’t understand why suddenly Garak had frozen up. Wasn’t it he who confessed first? Unless Julian had gotten this all completely wrong.

“Garak ―”

But Garak's eyes went to the wall where the false panel was located. Julian’s eyes followed his gaze.

“I have made a terrible mistake."

“Garak, please ―”

“No. Please, leave."

“I’m not going anywhere,” said Bashir, standing in front of the panel. “You don’t need to be afraid of this. We both know the game, don’t we? We both decided to play it."

Garak’s voice got so quiet, Julian could barely make it out. But he heard it. “It was supposed to be a joke,” said Garak.

Then, at the look Bashir was giving him, indicating he’d heard, he explained in a louder voice, “I read on the historical records of Earth that this was a popular joke of your 21st Century. I decided, if anyone ever snuck into my quarters looking for dirt on me, I would play this joke on them. But then, on a whim, I divulged the location of that isolinear rod to you, thinking you’d understand the joke."

“I’m a doctor, not a historian."

"Clearly."

“So was this all a joke to you, then? My affection for you?” said Julian.

“No! No, my dear… not at all."

Those last three words were laden with meaning. It almost seemed as though…

“You do love me, don’t you?” said Julian. “Just as I love you."

There was a helpless look in those blue eyes. He stepped towards Bashir, who drew him into his embrace just as the second repetition of the chorus dropped.

_That’s just the way you make me feel_

_That’s just the way you make me feel_

_So good, so good…_

Bashir pulled back and took Garak’s face in his hands, stroked his ear ridges, then pulled him in for a kiss.

_…so fucking real_

_That’s just the way you make me feel_

Their bodies rolled against each other to the music as the kiss deepened, as Julian wrapped his arms around Garak’s chest.

Garak pressed Julian back into the wall, pressing his lips and his body harder into Julian, who kissed him back as Garak ground their hips together.

He felt his ajan begin to throb. He needed Bashir's cock in him now.

Garak dropped his and then Bashir’s pants, exposing that hard, vulnerable human cock. Immediately, he consumed it into his ajan, pushing them further into the wall, making the panel buckle under their weight.  
He moved to the music, which set a perfect pace to gently rock Bashir’s cock into him again and again.  
Garak closed his eyes as the sensations swelled. He started sighing, panting, smiling.

“Garak,” said Bashir softly.

Eyes snapping open, Garak looked at him.

_Ah! I can’t help it, oh!_

_That’s just the way that I feel!_

_I can’t help it, oh!_

As the beat suddenly raced, Garak began to feel no longer in control; it was impossible to pull out now.  
Bashir smiled back. “There you are,” he said. “Look at me while you fuck me?"

Who was really fucking whom, wondered Garak. Nevertheless, he smiled humourlessly back at Bashir.  
He picked up the pace.

_It’s like I’m powerful, with a little bit of tender_

_An emotional sexual bender_

_Mess me up, yeah but no one does it better_

_There’s nothing better_

As he thrust himself over Bashir’s cock, he really began to lose control.

“Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah…” Garak moaned.

Bashir’s palms flattened over the panel behind him and he pressed forward as Garak’s thrusts became increasingly erratic.

Garak’s eyes closed again as his expression was lost in the throes of their passion. His chufa blushed blue.

“Garak,” said Bashir again, and Garak looked at him again, but his eyes were clouded with pleasure and soon they lost focus.

"Julian…" moaned Garak.

Bashir blushed. He had never heard Garak say his name before, but he liked the sound. It was cute, with a soft ‘ch’ at the start. He really loved Garak.

Soon, his ajan tightened around his cock, and Bashir was lost, coming deep inside him. He grasped onto Garak as he rode out his orgasm.

"Ah…” he sighed, as the song ended abruptly with a similar sigh. “We should’ve done this years ago…"

As the isolinear rod started to play a new song, the spell was broken and clarity came back to Garak. He pulled out with a sense of dread. He began to wonder if he’d made a mistake.

But the way Julian was looking up at him, looking so innocent and affectionate, Garak couldn’t truly feel shame, or regret, for what he had done. Instead, he allowed himself to melt into the music of the next song.

Perhaps just for tonight, he could indulge. He didn’t know what would happen in the morning.

Perhaps there was no need for anyone to know.


	4. Enigma Hearts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Julian Bashir, who Garak is housing on Cardassia, hasn't been the same since the events at Memory Alpha. In his misery, Garak is drawn back to him for one last confession.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by Enigma Tales.

Garak watched from his window as night fell on Cardassia, the sun orange on the horizon. He did this most evenings, a profound sorrow coming over him as he did.

Cardassia was rebuilding, it was evident on the horizon, and it was due in no small part to him that it had a future. It was everything he should want.

Yet upstairs, Julian Bashir lay in his bed, distraught silent and still. Right up until recently, Garak had held out a dim, overly-optimistic hope that Julian might yet love him back. But the nature of Julian’s condition was an inarguable piece of evidence that he didn’t; perhaps he never had. The heartbreak Garak felt over that outshined his love for Cardassia. He felt ashamed of that.

As if on autopilot, Garak moved upstairs and into Julian’s room.

He lay there, his eyes distant and empty in the dark. Garak rarely visited him lately; it was just too painful. His heart twisted at just the sight of Julian lying there. Yet still, Garak stepped into the room towards him.

Julian wasn’t looking at him at all. He wasn’t really looking at anything. He had been like this ever since he’d arrived here, and Ezri had explained his condition.

Garak looked down at Julian. He had once been so bright, and alive. Now, it was like he was in a living death. Garak had tried to warn him away from this, but Julian had been so determined, so passionate…

…And he’d had Serena beside him. The other woman. The reflection of his idealism. The purer of the two of them. Garak, in all his immorality, could never compete with her. Humans were not like Cardassians: they don’t find love in adversity.

Yet who was it at Julian’s side now? Who was the survivor?

Garak stood beside Julian. “You know, I suppose I really am the fool. Once, I thought you loved me. I spurned you because I couldn’t afford such sentimentality. I can’t really blame you for moving on, but… I love you, Julian. I love you, and I… I always thought that was a love that would continue for the rest of our lives. I guess I was wrong. You moved on."

Julian’s eyes shifted towards Garak, but he still wasn’t looking at him.

“I still love you, for whatever that’s worth. And here I am, telling you this, as if there’s still hope for you yet. I know there isn’t; you don’t love me. There is no kiss that wakes the princess up, as your Earth fairy tales would go. You do not love me. If you did, you would wake up and be with me. If you did, you wouldn’t have gone off with her in the first place."

Those brown eyes were still distant, as though trapped in some other world. Her death throes, perhaps. Garak knew he wasn’t listening to him. But for a moment, some momentary flicker came across those eyes, and Garak almost allowed himself to believe…

He placed a kiss on Bashir’s forehead. It was about all he could do. It wasn’t enough; he suspected nothing ever would be. He wanted more. He always would.

Garak lifted Bashir’s chin up and kissed his lips. He felt dirty, doing this, knowing that Bashir couldn’t consent. But there was a desperate restlessness in him, and it was taking his entire control to hold himself back.

Something bigger flickered across Bashir’s face, and Garak was sure of it now. He was present. He understood what was happening.

Ashamed, Garak fled from the room, one moment before Julian saw him. Regret twisted Julian’s heart.


	5. Lonely No More

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In his stupour on Cardassia Prime, Julian can't contain his heartbreak over losing Garak as well as Sarina. His tears draw Garak back to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This isn't so much a re-written one-shot as a new one inspired by the DS9 episode, "Chrysalis".

Feelings of pain and doubt swirled in Bashir’s frozen body. His eyes were unfixed, he couldn’t focus on anything. He was not so much trapped in the past he was trapped in the present.

His heart ached, and not just because of Sarina’s death but because of what it meant. Her death broke his heart, and the trauma of it often played out in his mind, but it was that alone. He had been lonely for so long, and she was like a dream. She filled his loneliness. But she hadn’t been the only one that ever had.

Garak had been barely able to stay in the same room with him ever since he’d arrived on Cardassia, and then one night he comes into his room and confesses his love for him. That love was all Bashir had been wanting, it was the one thing he thought might eventually wake him up from this personal hell he was stuck in. And Garak had denied him that healing love.

Until that night. And ever since then, he’d been craving for Garak to come back and lavish that love on him again. But he hadn’t, and Bashir knew he wouldn’t. He’d talk to Garak himself if he could so much as move, let alone speak. But he couldn’t.

Tears slipped from his eyes. His lips wobbled. His chest constricted and he sucked in a desperate breath to control himself. But he had finally lost his grip on his bubbling emotions. He cried.

A nurse came in, hollow words that Bashir could barely hear as she fussed over him. Eventually, she rushed from the room.

She came back with Garak. For a long, delayed moment Bashir’s gaze remained down at his lap. Then he lifted his eyes to Garak.

“Garak,” he said in a strained, wavering voice.

“Julian?” said Garak.

"I…"

Garak rushed to his side, and several moments later Bashir re-adjusted his gaze to look at Garak again.

“I love you,” he whispered, "too."

Those blue Cardassian eyes began to water. “I can’t believe it."

"Visit… more?"

“Yes, yes, of course, my dear. Whatever you want."  
Bashir forced a weak smile. He had no energy left to speak any longer, though he wished he had. He had a confession of his own stored up, but it would have to wait. With the promise of future visits, of renewed hope, he knew he had time.

For now, as the nurse left them alone in the room, Garak allowed Bashir to cry into his shoulder. He had a lot of tears left to cry.

But at least he wasn’t lonely anymore.


End file.
